Mom Dictionary

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes

BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning

BECAUSE: The reason for anything that can’t be explained logically

BED and BREAKFAST: Two things the kids don’t seem to want to make for themselves

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of. That is until asked to do something

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be “put out” by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife

HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty

JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals

JUNK: Dad’s stuff

LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents


POND: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals

OPEN: The position of children’s mouths when they eat in front of company

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom’s nickname for Dad


About myra36

parent, housewife, advocate, diva
This entry was posted in humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Mom Dictionary

  1. Filling an ice cube tray. It’s such a simple thing. None of my guys know how to do it either.

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