Women and men are of the same species. However, they are definitely two completely different creatures. I feel sorry for men sometimes. They do try. But, clearly they have trouble understanding nuance and implication. Most of the time, women say things but mean something else. Why do we do this? It’s because we hate having to state the obvious. We have the unrealistic expectation that you should know what we’re thinking if you’ve been with us long enough.
Girls – we need to stop this. It’s asking for too much. Men think in black and white. Women think in shades of grey. So, here’s a primer for the guys out there. Hope it helps.
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. It means something. You should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “Fine”.
(4) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!
(5) Loud sigh: This is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks that you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. It means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Oh, you will pay.
(7) Whatever: This is a woman’s way of saying “F**K YOU!”
(8) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say “You’re welcome”. (Disclaimer- This is true unless she says “Thanks a lot!”. That is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Do NOT say “You’re welcome”. That will only bring on a “Whatever”).
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement. This means that there is something that a woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”. For the woman’s response refer to # 3.