Read My Lips

Women and men are of the same species. However, they are definitely two completely different creatures. I feel sorry for men sometimes. They do try. But, clearly they have trouble understanding nuance and implication. Most of the time, women say things but mean something else. Why do we do this? It’s because we hate having to state the obvious. We have the unrealistic expectation that you should know what we’re thinking if you’ve been with us long enough.

Girls – we need to stop this. It’s asking for too much. Men think in black and white. Women think in shades of grey. So, here’s a primer for the guys out there. Hope it helps.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. It means something. You should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “Fine”.

(4) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it!

(5) Loud sigh: This is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks that you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. It means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Oh, you will pay.

(7) Whatever: This is a woman’s way of saying “F**K YOU!”

(8) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say “You’re welcome”. (Disclaimer- This is true unless she says “Thanks a lot!”. That is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Do NOT say “You’re welcome”. That will only bring on a “Whatever”).

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement. This means that there is something that a woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”. For the woman’s response refer to # 3.



About myra36

parent, housewife, advocate, diva
This entry was posted in humour and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Read My Lips

  1. materix01 says:

    2 Years ago, I learnt from a leadership camp that women need to be asked 6 times what’s wrong for them to tell yo something is wrong while guys only need to be asked no mroe than twice. I don’t know about the guy part but I’ve found I need to repeatedly ask my female friends what’s troubling them before they say anything.

    • myra36 says:

      I’ve never heard that. But now that you mention it…

      I wonder why that is? Maybe women just assume that you should already know what’s wrong. But I guess men aren’t very good at mind-reading. Lol.

  2. Why are guys so dense?

  3. materix01 says:

    Oh give us guys a break. It’s our wiring I swear…
    Guys have it tough too. I was telling a female friend of mine today to totally rejected a guy that she should of been nicer or at least less harsh. It probably took that poor guy weeks/months to get the courage to tell her he likes her.
    On the other hand, I do prefer the how guys operate sometimes. They seem more straightforward. Like when we go shopping, we actually know what we buy and leave in and out of a shop within a few minutes. Or when we say that we are ready in 5 mins, we do mean we are ready in 5 minutes, not 30…

    • myra36 says:

      Oh, I know guys have it rough. Women are not easy to get along with sometimes. He, he..

      As for the shopping, guys have it easier. There’s more selection and variety in women’s clothing. That’s why it takes us so long. Too many choices!


  4. Lubi :) says:

    haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa :)))))))))))))))

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s