For Hire

I thought that this was cute.

help-want

POSITION :


Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mum, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Job description:

Long term, team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.


Candidates must possess excellent communication & organizational skills.

Be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings & weekends.


Frequent 24 hour shifts on call.


Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends & endless sports tournaments in far away cities!


Travel expenses will not reimbursed.


Extensive courier duties also required.


Responsibilities:

This position is for the rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.


Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.


Must also possess the physical stamina of a pack mule & be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case the screams from the backyard are not from someone just crying wolf.


Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, & stuck zippers.


Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, & coordinate production of multiple homework projects.


Must have ability to plan & organize social gatherings for clients of all ages & mental outlooks.


Must be willing to be indispensable one minute & an embarrassment the next.


Must handle assembly & product safety testing of a million cheap, plastic toys, & battery operated devices.


Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.


Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance & janitorial work throughout the facility.


Possibility for Advancement & Promotion:

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years without complaining.

It involves constantly retraining & updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training is offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:

You pay them and must offer frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.


When you die, you give them whatever is left.


The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


Benefits:

While there is no health/dental insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays or stock options to speak of, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Thanks to http://daysofarabianlives.wordpress.com

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About myra36

parent, housewife, advocate, diva
This entry was posted in humour and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to For Hire

  1. materix01 says:

    Very very cute.
    I don’t think parents get on the job training, I think my parents just kind of fumbled around for a few years before they got the hang of children. Parents have always been and forever will be the hardest job one can ever take. But it can also be the most rewarding. Although I don’t like the odds of it >.<

    • myra36 says:

      I agree that parenthood involves a lot of fumbling around. Lol. But, you’re right about it being rewarding. I think it helps to have the right attitude. You have to go into it knowing that you’re going to make mistakes (LOTS of them). You have to realize that it’s messy, exhausting. and trying. Too many people spend too much energy trying to be perfect parents with perfect kids. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

      :)

  2. Pingback: This is Madness… « ~Materix01~

  3. Lubi :) says:

    :)))

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